


every time I see you even daylight can't outshine your glow

by scorpiusismypatronus



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Back to the fluff, DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY TBH, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I know canonically they were in spanish but yknow what?, I trIED TO MAKE THIS HAPPY I S2G, I'm dying I love these two, I've still never kissed anyone @god the hell u waiting for, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Trees, fluff/angst, hE DIDNT FALL HE LET GO, i don't know spanish, so I put them in french together, suicide ideation, this fic? gay, this got dark holy shit, uhhhhh, whoops, wow I love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:09:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13391427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiusismypatronus/pseuds/scorpiusismypatronus
Summary: hI YEAH WILL ROLAND COVERED THE SONG “IM NOT FALLING FOR THAT” AND IM LI V I N G THAT LYRIC IS SO KLEINSEN I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT IT SO HERE TAKE THIS





	every time I see you even daylight can't outshine your glow

**Author's Note:**

> No timelines we die like men (this is set like,, when they're on autumn break ((ik thats not a thing just wORK WITH ME)) in their freshman year of college)

Jared was drowning in three things: problems that he had caused, unfinished French homework, and his feelings for Evan Hansen.

He’d thought he was getting _over_ this stupid crush. And then Evan had to go and get a _haircut_.

He groaned. The idiot had gotten a haircut that accentuated his face in all the right places. It was slightly curly and all Jared really wanted at that moment was to run his hands through it again and again and _again_. Being in love with Evan Hansen was the worst decision his emotions had ever made.

His phone dinged and he checked it, sighing at the ‘disruption’ that wasn't interrupting anything because at this point he’d given up on French and was just watching youtube.

**Acorn:** Hey Jared I can’t figure out the French homework ??

**Insanely Cool:** ayyy neither can i

He contemplated his next text before:

**Insanely Cool:** wanna work together?

**Acorn:** Yeah sure

**Acorn:** Where ? Over text or in person ?

**Insanely Cool:** you like trees right

**Insanely Cool:** id die to get out of my house rn wanna hang out in the orchard

Ah, yes, to hang out. If they were boyfriends, the implication would be “let’s make out.” Since they’re just friends ( _and that’s all they’d ever be)_ it meant “let’s chat.”

**Insanely Cool:** to do our homework. obviously.

**Acorn:** If you want to !

**Acorn:** I can be there in fifteen if that’s okay ?

**Insanely Cool:** yeah man see u there

Jared sighed, shoving his phone in his back pocket and shoving his French work in his backpack. He ran over to the mirror, making sure his hair was okay, and pulled on a flannel.

He took the stairs two at a time and ran out the door, yelling, “I’m going out to do some homew—”

“Not so fast, Jared,” his mom sighed from the living room. He groaned. He’d _almost_ gotten out of the house without the interrogation. “Where are you going?”

“Orchard,” he said.

“What are you doing there?”

“Homework.”

“Homework for what class?”

“French.”

“What kind of assignment?”

“A five page worksheet.”

“At what time will you be back?”

He glanced at the clock. It was three pm. “Maybe two in the morning? Gotta call in the strippers, I mean…”

“Jared…”

“Around five? I don’t know!”

“Will you be alone?”

“No.”

“Who will you be with?”

“Evan Hansen. Can I _go_ now?”

“Evan’s a good kid,” his mom speculated. “Yeah, you can go.”

“Okay,” he said, bolting out the door and down the driveway before she could change her mind.

When he got to the road he slowed down, looking around at the trees. Maybe Evan was onto something — they really were pretty this time of year, with their oranges and reds and yellows.

He was at the orchard less than ten minutes later and collapsed by the gate, leaning against it and pulling his homework out.

Evan was there a few minutes later, hands tucked into his pockets, hair looking devastatingly, illegally attractive, scraping the grass with the toes of his shoes.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey, Evan,” Jared said. “C’mon, sit down.”

Evan did, crossing his legs and looking extremely awkward.

“You okay?” Jared asked, trying to place a hint of mockery in his voice to hide his feelings, but he couldn’t pull it off. Not when Evan was there looking so goddamn beautiful in the warm afternoon light.

“Fine. I’m just a bit off today. So I’m confused on the conjugations…”

Jared leaned against the gate and looked over Evan’s shoulder, even though he could easily see the same problem on his own worksheet.

“ _Nous_ is, uh… _sommes_?”

“I think so,” said Evan, scrawling that down in his sentence.

“‘ _Name five things you like to do and where you like to do them_ ,’ are you goddamn kidding me? I like doing one thing and that’s boys.”

His plan was to make Evan laugh, and it worked. He laughed a beautiful little laugh, hair falling into his eyes in a way that made Jared’s breath catch in his throat.

“ _J’adore_ … I don’t know how to say ‘have sex with’? _L’hommes_ … in the bedroom, I’m blanking…”

“I don’t know either,” Jared sighed, leaning dramatically against the gate. “This is pointless.”

“It's language, Jared. What if you go to France and really need to tell everyone you’re gay?”

“Yeah, that happens to me all the time,” Jared deadpanned. “Nah, I just… I wish I could learn by actually using the language, ya know?”

“Yeah,” said Evan, beginning to scribble on the knee of the jeans he was wearing (apparently he had clothes other than khakis, who knew).

“You picked that up from Zoe?” Jared guessed. He tried not to say her name like a disease. He really did. But when you’ve been in love with your best friend since you were eight and a girl he barely knows steals his heart for two and gets him, it’s hard not to be bitter.

She couldn’t be that bad, though, not if Alana was so desperately in love with her. Unrequited crushes on their best friends, who were also exes (but still on good terms), was the main thing they had in common, and often she’d come over to his house or him to hers and they’d just talk about their crushes.

“Yeah,” said Evan. “She does it on the cuffs, though? And she draws stars. It’s always stars, I don’t know why. I'm just drawing whatever.”

“Oh,” said Jared, and he didn’t know what to say, because at the moment all he wanted to do was to kiss the other boy senseless, but he couldn’t say that because they were just friends — just _family_ friends — and that’s all.

His phone dinged.

**Nerd <3:** Hey jared,, zoe just did the cutest thing,, u wouldn’t believe,, i’m a lesbian

Jared laughed a little. “Hey, Evan, can you believe Alana’s a lesbian?”

“Oh, I never would’ve guessed. The pride flags and the talking about girls and the pins on her bag didn’t tip me off.”

**Insanely Cool:** wow im talking to 2 ppl at once whom have big crushes on zoe

**Nerd <3:** Ur with evan?

**Insanely Cool:** yeah

**Nerd <3:** Have fun ;) ;)

**Insanely Cool:** ALANA!!!!!

Jared laughed and shut off his phone. “I love that girl,” he said.

“ _J’adore ce fille_ ,” Evan said.

“Ah, right, French,” Jared groaned.

“I really don’t want to do this,” Evan admitted, pushing his pencil off his binder.

“Yeah, me neither,” Jared sighed. “Wanna do… literally anything else?”

“Please,” Evan said.

“The trees are so beautiful.”

“Yeah?” Evan said, obviously surprised.

“You know who else is beautiful?”

Evan grinned. “Who?”

“Alana Beck.”

“You’re so correct, what the hell.”

“I love her so much.”

“A wonderful human being.”

“An angel on this earth.”

The two of them grinned at each other, bound in their love of Alana and dislike of French homework.

“So…” said Jared, spreading his legs out in front of him, “What do you wanna do? Be a good student in another class or dick around?”

“Is both an option?” Evan grinned.

“Both is good,” Jared smiled. “But which first?”

“You’re in my science class, yeah?” Evan asked.

“Yeah. We’ve got that report due next week that I haven’t started?”

“You haven’t started it?” His voice grew higher pitched as he spoke. “Okay, we’re working on that. We can work together. It’s not too late.”

“What are you doing it on?” Jared asked.

“The reason trees change colour in the fall,” Evan said. 

Jared laughed because it was the most _Evan_ thing he could imagine.

“I was looking out the window at the time and I was inspired — if you think it's dumb, though—”

“ _Evan_. It’s fine. It’s just I really should’ve expected that.”

“Oh,” said the other boy, laughing a little bit as he spoke, and Jared’s heart did some kind of incredibly gay backflip in his chest. “So I’m not even close to done, but if you wanna help…?” Evan tugged his backpack onto his lap and pulled out his laptop.

“Sure. What’ve you got so far?” Jared asked.

“I copy-pasted, like, eight articles and I started summarizing one — you really don’t have to do this—“

“Evan, I want to. AirDrop one to me and I’ll highlight it and stuff.”

Evan smiled, blushing a bit, and he did. The two spend the next quarter hour in relative silence, Jared actually soaking in the information and the sun and the wind and Evan — _fuck, Jared, can you stop being gay for like three seconds_ he thought, going back to his work.

But the other boy was right there, so near to him, and when Jared glanced at him he was smiling a bit and his cheeks were a little red and his eyes were shining and Jared was sure that he was the most beautiful person on the earth. A lock of blonde hair fell into his eyes as he worked, typing quickly with that small little smile that was about to cause Jared's death. Without thinking — as though it wasn’t even him moving — he reached over and tucked it behind Evan’s ear.

Evan smiled at him — at _him_ — _god_ he was so gay — Jared felt his heart race faster than he knew possible. “Thanks,” the other boy mumbled. 

Not trusting him to respond, he didn’t, smiling back and then jotting down a note, and then realising with a slight panic that he’d reached the end of the article and now would need to interact with Evan without letting onto the fact that he had a huge fucking gay crush on him.

“I read it,” he said. Evan glanced up from his computer. “Okay, I’m pretty much at the end of this one — we'll need to come up with a structure for the essay — and — it’s only ten percent of our grade but that’s a lot — do you think we’re going to have to present? If we have to present I think I'll go fucking die.”

“Hey, hey,” Jared said. “If we do, I might be able to cover for you — and if I can’t, well… I’ll be up there with you, right?”

“There's so much to do and I — it’s all — it’s too much — I can’t do it—”

Jared realized Evan was hyperventilating — two years ago he’d have made a joke, but he knew better now — “Evan, look at me.”

Evan focused in on his eyes and immediately his eyes wandered — Jared knew he didn’t like eye contact and let it slide. “Hey. I know it’s a lot. But we’ll figure this out, right? We just gotta take it slow, figure it out one step at a time, okay? You can do it.”

Evan wrapped his arms around his knees and propped his chin on them. “It’s so _much_ , Jared. I can’t do it —”

“What can I do to help?” Jared asked. It was so unlike him, but he was trying not to be a dick anymore and this was a good place to start. The words felt weird in his mouth, like the day after he got his braces off and his mouth felt all weird.

“Can you just be here? Don’t leave? Please,” Evan breathed the last word, visibly shaking but trying to breathe.

“Okay,” Jared said.

It took him three or four minutes to calm down and when he did he mumbled, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Jared murmured.

“Really though — thank you.”

“Do you want to climb a tree?”

Evan let out a slight laugh. “Where did that come from?”

“I dunno. Please?”

“Okay,” he shrugged. Jared jumped up and then back down, shoving his stuff into his back — “so no one steals it”— and ran towards the tallest tree. Evan followed, laughing, and he sounded so free and happy that Jared could have basked in the sound forever.

Jared grabbed a tree and tried to pull himself up, but of course he wasn’t strong enough.

“Need help?” Evan asked, voice still light with laughter.

“I got this,” Jared lied, trying again, gripping the branch and bracing his feet against the trunk.

It didn’t work.

“Okay, Jared, get off the tree and I’ll help you.”

“Get off the tree?” Jared wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. “You mean get the tree off?” _Why was_ this _his sense of humour_?

Evan rolled his eyes. “Jared, please.”

Jared raised his eyebrows one last time and hopped down, wiping sap on his jeans as he watched Evan climb up to the first branch — god that kid was beautiful — and hold out his hand.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, Aladdin-esque, grinning.

“Of course, my prince,” he grinned back, taking Evan’s hand and — between Evan and the tree — managing to get up on the tree.

“Remind me why we’re doing this?” 

“Science. We’re studying trees. Although I suppose you don’t have to, being a _tree expert_ after all.” 

“This is a redwood tree,” Evan informed him.

“Nerd,” Jared jabbed, but it was all in jest.

“Dork,” Evan replied, smiling as he pulled himself up to the next branch, holding out a hand to Jared.

“I can do it myself!”

He struggled with the branch for a couple seconds before realising that he could not do it himself.

“Admit defeat,” Evan grinned — if he didn’t know him, he’d think Evan was smirking, but Evan didn’t _smirk_ …

“Never!” Jared said, striking a pose.

“Then I shall leave you to die alone, without a maiden or… uh… I can’t think of the word for a guy who’s a maiden, but HIM TOO… to help you” Evan said.

That was definitely a smirk.

( _Jared Kleinman. Age of death: 19. Cause of death: crush smirked_. 

He could see the headlines now. 

“Local Boy Dies After Family Friend Proves Too Attractive To Live With.” “Gay Boy Drops Dead In A Tree Because Of Crush’s Radiant Smile.” “Homosexual Dies After Attraction To Men Proves Fatal.” “Evan Hansen Was Too Hot For Him To Live Anymore: The Boy Who Died Due To A Crush.” “Grieving Parents Of Jared Kleinman, 19, Say ‘We Never Would Have Guessed He Was Homosexual, Or That He’d Die Because Of It.’”)

“Jared? You there?”

Jared rapidly became aware of the embarrassing amount of time he’d been staring at Evan.

“Got lost in thought, sorry,” he said, then grinned. “Maybe ‘lad?’ Instead of ‘maiden?’”

“It hasn’t got the same ring to it,” Evan contemplated. “A dashingly attractive prince?”

_That’s you_. “That’s me.”

“No, you’re Jasmine, I’m Aladdin,” Evan shot back.

“A guy who lies about his identity to get with a princess? Sounds about right,” Jared quipped.

Evan's face fell and Jared cursed himself. _Can’t you do anything right_? “That might’ve crossed a line,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Evan said. “I just remembered the bullshit that went down our senior year. God. We were so young then.”

“I was such a dick,” Jared mumbled, letting the words fall out — once he started he couldn’t stop — “I was cruel to you for years and I honestly don’t know why you put up with me — I — I never thought of you as ‘just’ a family friend, you know that, right? And I was — I made fun of you about your panic attacks and — it was such a shitty thing to do — I was a shitty person and — god, I don’t deserve to still be your friend.” He sighed, realising that his waterfall-like speech had gone too far and now he was going to have to talk about his emotions.

“Hey, no, you’re — okay, you’re still a dick, first of all —” Evan grinned to show he was kidding, then sobered again. “I was your friend because you’re, you’re a fun person to be around. We were young and we were stupid and we didn’t know much of anything. Especially not how to communicate healthily. B-besides, it’s all in the past now. We’re good,” Evan shrugged.

Jared sighed, but Evan wasn’t done. “And, and, and you weren’t a shitty person. You did some shitty things and that sucks but you as a _person_ weren’t bad.”

“Thanks,” Jared mumbled.

“Of course,” said Evan. “Are we gonna climb before we start staring at each other not speaking like some kind of cliche and it gets awkward?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jared grinned at him. 

With that, Evan pulled himself onto the next branch.

Just like that, with just his arms, he was on another branch, grinning down at Jared with that one radiant smile that melted his heart.

So Evan got to be hot _and_ strong and Jared got neither of those things. That’s fair. Real fair, God. Thanks a lot.

Jared sighed and braced one foot against the trunk, trying and failing to pull himself up.

“I’m also a tree- _climbing_ expert,” Evan said.

Jared scowled at him and braced one arm against the branch where Evan sat, the other hanging on to a slightly higher branch, and tried again. He managed to brace a knee against the branch and get up and smirked at Evan. “See! Of course I can do it!”

“Bet you can't do this,” Evan rallied back, pulling himself up onto a much higher branch.

“Hey, first of all, that’s not fair,” he began.

“Not my fault I'm a normal height.”

“You’re six-foot one!”

“Okay, four-foot ten.”

“Now that’s just mean.”

“Want me to carry you up the tree? I bet I could,” Evan bragged, obviously not anticipating him taking up the offer, but Jared stared down Evan and his beautiful blue eyes. 

“Prove it.”

“O—okay,” Evan said. “I dunno how good my balance is, but if we fall, it’s your fault.”

“I accept that completely,” Jared said.

Evan sat down on the branch, the sun behind him illuminating him like an angel, although Evan shone brighter than any star. “All right,” he said. “You’re gonna have to hold on, I’m not Superman — I'm thinking piggyback? And if I can get us up two branches I win,” Evan decided.

“No, we gotta get up the entire tree.”

Evan looked up pointedly. The tree was fifty, sixty feet tall, and they were only about twenty feet up. It made Jared feel dizzy.

“Okay, fine,” Jared relented. 

Evan shook his head and asked, “How are we going to do this?”

Jared shrugged. “I didn’t get that far.”

“Yeah, me neither. You’re a madman, you know that?” He rolled his eyes. “You were supposed to say ‘I doubt it, asshole,’ and keep climbing.”

“Maybe I have faith in you,” Jared pointed out. _More than in myself._ His legs were shaking a little bit.

“It’s very misplaced,” said Evan. “I mean, I’d be able to do it, I just don’t know how to pick you up.”

“Cheesy pick-up lines,” Jared suggested. “That one on tumblr where you drop a bunch of limes—”

“Jared, no,” Evan laughed. “Okay, you know what? These branches are close enough together. Just jump up—”

“No way,” Jared said. “I'm not a _complete_ idiot, you know.”

“Could’a fooled me,” Evan quipped, but his voice trailed off. “Are you… scared?”

“No,” Jared protested.

“You are, aren’t you? Oh my god. You’re scared of heights. I remember now.”

“No, no, no, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Oh my god,” Evan said again, laughing a little. “Come up here and sit down. I won’t make you keep going.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “I'm not a wimp. Let's keep going.”

“In that case, I'm super scared, let's sit down.”

“Okay, just as long as you know I am most definitely not afraid. My heterosexuality is being threatened.”

“Jared, you’re gay.”

“That’s exactly why it’s funny,” Jared said.

Evan shrugged. “Good point.”

Jared pushed himself up onto the branch and leaned against the trunk, throwing a leg over Evan’s lap.

“Nice converse,” Evan said.

“Thanks, I'm gay.”

“Converse are gay culture.”

“Yep.”

“Trees are bi culture. Trust me, I’m an acorn.”

Jared snorted. “You’re so right, Evan.”

“We should probably be doing our French homework right now,” he said.

“No.”

“Okay.”

He contemplated a joke about Evan secretly being a sub but ultimately decided not to say that. 

They sat together quietly for a minute or two before Evan mumbled something.

“Sorry?” Jared asked.

“Nevermind — it’s stupid—”

“No, no, I want to hear,” Jared assured.

“I was just thinking — it’s nice. Being up here with you. Everything's so — it’s so much better than it was in my senior year. And I'm happy, you know?” Evan shrugged. “That’s stupid. Sorry.”

“It's not stupid,” Jared said. “I get that.” He paused, contemplating everything he was about to say. “It’s… it’s good. Being with you.”

Evan blushed. It was what Jared expected, so he pressed on. “I missed you, last year, when we were fighting.”

“I missed you too,” Evan said.

Jared sighed. “You were right, you know. I didn’t have many other friends. It was lonely.”

“I’m sorry—”

“No, no, I was the asshole in this situation, it’s okay.”

“Still, I shouldn't have been so mean to you.”

“It’s fine, really,” Jared said.

Evan shrugged. “I’m still sorry.”

Jared let one foot hang off the branch, the other still over Evan’s lap. He adjusted his glasses, looking at the other boy, who wasn’t quite looking back at him. One of the good things about his hatred of eye contact was that he wasn’t likely to find Jared staring at him.

And he was really beautiful today. His blonde hair hung over his forehead, not quite in his beautiful blue eyes, but almost. His blue button-down hung off his shoulders. It was just a little big on him and with the first button undone Jared could see his collarbone. His jeans, too, were too big on him, although they fit his legs. It was probably one of the downfalls of being tall. 

Looking closer, Jared could see little freckles dotting his face and neck. They weren't that dark, but once he noticed them, he couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop wanting to kiss each freckle.

He was wearing a grey zip-up sweater similar to Connor’s over his button-down. It was undone and Jared wished he could take it off completely, along with all the rest of his clothes — _Jared, no_.

He wanted to kiss this boy so much he could hardly breathe. He could almost _feel_ Evan’s stupid beautiful lips on his own. His heart skipped a beat and Jared realized it was time to stop before Evan looked over and noticed how hard he was crushing on him.

Evan was staring down at the ground, silent. He’d grabbed onto the branch above them, sleeves falling down his arms slightly, legs swinging. “When I fell, the summer before last?” He began, so quietly Jared almost couldn't hear him. Jared nodded, knowing Evan could see him out of the corner of his eye.

“I… I didn’t _fall_ ,” he said. He let one hand drop to play with the hem of his shirt. 

_Then how’d you break your arm_? He wanted to ask. _That doesn’t make any sense_. But he knew Evan was getting there. Pushing him would only make him feel bad.

“I — Jared? I let go.”

_Oh_.

Evan turned so he was speaking to the end of the tree branch, not to Jared. “I felt — so hopeless? And I — I let go.” Evan was picking at the skin of his nails now and Jared hoped he would stop, needed him to stop, because even though he was hurting so badly for Evan, he couldn’t handle seeing Evan hurt. “And I, I kept telling myself, you know, ‘I didn’t mean to fall,’ ‘this was an accident,’ ‘I wasn't trying to kill myself,’ but it was all lies and I finally — Connor made me admit it to myself, I guess it was — it was just me, though…” Evan was now digging into his skin more fiercely and Jared couldn’t take it. He reached over and took both of Evan’s hands in his own. “…and I told m—” 

Evan’s rambling cut off completely when Jared grabbed his hands. He sighed and started licking his bottom lip, which was both much better and also ridiculously, illegally attractive.

“Evan,” he whispered, and it only set the other boy off again.

“—And I’m sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you with that, I'm just burdening you and now you’re going to think I'm weird, I'm sorry, I’m s—”

“ _Evan_ ,” he said again. Evan quieted, glancing up at him and immediately away.

“First of all, you’re not bothering me or burdening me — if you need me, I'm here.”

Evan shrugged. He didn’t believe it. But it takes time recovering from that kind of thing. Of course he didn’t believe yet.

Jared just hoped he would someday.

“Second of all,” he said, and his heart ached, his soul ached for the boy in the gray sweater who couldn’t look anyone in the eyes. “I — I haven’t told anyone this, ever,” he began, and it was stupid of him to say that, it was stupid of him to start this. “But I — when I was fifteen. The summer between freshman and sophomore year.” Jared’s grip unconsciously tightened. Evan’s did too. Jared felt his heart melt. “I — I felt so horrible and alone and — I took — I took a bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet? And I just, I took them all?” Jared shrugged. “So I know where you’re coming from, I guess,” he said.

Evan blinked away tears that Jared could see forming in his eyes. “You deserve so much better,” he mumbled.

“No,” he whispered back, focusing on a spot above Evan’s shoulder. “You do — you deserve all the good things. I'm just… you’re so much… _better_ than me? Than anyone? You should only ever be happy. You shouldn’t hurt so much.” He let his leg fall over the branch, bracing a hand against the tree and letting Evan have the other back. He immediately started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Jared — you’re — you’re important too, okay?”

Jared shrugged. _I don’t_ feel _important_. 

“You don’t believe me.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, you should, ‘cause I'm right.”

Jared just shrugged again. “Nah, I'm a total dick. Everyone would probably be better off without me,” he said flippantly.

“Jared, don’t — you’re — even if — even if it’s not true for anyone else, I can tell you firsthand that you mean a lot to me.”

Jared shrugged a third time. He didn’t doubt Evan — but he wanted more. He wanted so much more.

“I just — after a while, if I died I mean, after a while people would forget about me. They wouldn't care. All that would be left is who I really was, when you strip it down, and who I really was is a total asshole.”

“Is there any way to get you to shut up and realise how important you are?” Evan asked. 

_I mean, you could kiss me_. “Not until you can prove it.”

“Prove what? That you matter to me?”

“Or just in general. But sure,” Jared said sardonically. Because no matter what Evan said, in the long run, he wasn’t worthy of love from anyone. Especially not him.

So he wasn’t expecting Evan to lean in and kiss him.

For someone who didn’t believe this would ever happen, he responded quickly, wrapping his other arm around Evan, tilting his head, sighing. The other boy tasted like fruit — maybe oranges? — and his lips were just as soft as Jared had imagined. 

When they broke apart, Evan breathed, “Well, I was about to freak out and apologize, but I guess you don’t mind?”

“I…” the boy he’d been in love with since 7th grade had just kissed him. “I don’t mind at all.”

“Do you believe me now?” Evan asked.

“Maybe a little,” Jared said, and he leaned forward and kissed Evan again, just because he could, because he’d always wanted to. Because Evan’s lips were so soft and — and he had a _lot_ of freckles to kiss.

“I don’t think it’s safe to kiss up here,” Jared said.

“Probably not, no.”

“Wanna go down?”

“Oh, definitely,” Evan said. 

Jared wanted to live in this feeling. To drown in this feeling. 

Being in love with Evan Hansen was the best decision his emotions had ever made.


End file.
